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I discovered it when I was 11 years old and ever since I have jacked off every chance I got. I knew how a man and a woman would have sex and I also knew that fondling my penis felt good. I knew that a man would thrust his penis into a woman's hole and I knew that It felt good to use my hand on my dick so eventually I put two and two together and I started masturbating. I have tried everything I could get my hands on to help me in getting myself off. I've tried sleeves, i've fucked ground beef, i've tried anal play (yes men do that, It's acually a lot of fun!), and once or twice I've stuck food up my ass (carrots, bananas, cucumber). I read erotic stories and I look at pictures of both men and women to get me turned on. I also get a full- length mirror and watch myself get all hot and bothered. During the summer I usually take my masturbatory habits outdoors. In the day I go down to the river and swim naked and then have a great jack off session on the beach. During the night I. (I know what you're thinking and if you so much as fucking smirk, I swear I'm going reach out and slap the shit out of you.)Right, so I was dithering between the Toad in the Hole and the Bubble and Squeak when I was greeted by a curvaceous woman in a bright red 'Mrs Santa' outfit. She was a round woman, Rubenesqu even, as a friend would later say. I didn't know about that. I thought a Ruben was a sandwich, but what the hell. I prefer a woman who can appreciate a good hoagie anyway. Specks of red and green were sprinkled from her rosy cheeks all the way down over her very impressive breasts. She looked like a glitter-bomb had exploded over her.I just sat there, mesmerized by the plastic stardust covering her tits. Every time she moved, her wonderful mounds jiggled, causing the glitter to sparkle under the ancient, yellow lights. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, and I had to force my mouth closed as she prepared to take my order with an equally glitter-covered pen.I think women know.
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